Youth

I miss being a teenager and a youth. I am only 20 but I can notice and see the difference in myself and in the way that people treat me. In many respects, I appreciate the way that I am treated, as an adult. But sometimes, I really miss being a teenager. Teenagers have a special and a different view of the world than adults. All teenagers ever want is to be an adult and they forget to focus on what it's like to be a teenager. I am no exception to this. All that I ever wanted was to be treated as a grown up and not as young. I longed for the day when I was responsible for myself. Well, now I am. But not only that, I am responsible for much more than that. The days of dreaming constantly and looking at the world with a vast wonder are fading much more quickly than I ever thought they could. There is something beautiful about teenagers and their wisdom and perspective on the world. There is also something special about the way that adults view them. They are at the awkward in between stage of life. They are not yet classified as an adult but they are no longer a child and cannot be treated as either. Messages are often directed at the teenagers and are meant to lift them up. I also miss the wisdom and the perspective that I had as a teenager. I viewed the world and my faith in God in a different way. I had not been influenced and taught by all sorts of people. As much as I appreciate who I am now and the confidence that I now have in myself, I have been taught by many different people and have been more exposed to the world. My heart does not break for people as easily anymore because I have become slightly numb to pain and suffering. I feel like I am wandering on a path in a dark forest and there are small paths all over the place that look like the right path but I just can't tell. The more I keep learning, the more that I keep getting lost in the forest and wandering off the path and getting lost on the other ones. The other paths have brambles and bushes that seek to ensnare me in their grasp. It is so hard to find the right path through the mess in the forest. It is becoming harder and harder to see the truth from the lies and I feel like it is a constant battle and like I am being constantly attacked. Each attack weakens my ability to resist the other attacks. The more they keep coming, the easier it gets to give in to the attacks. I miss the teenage years and the perspective and the view of the world that they have. Teenagers are beyond a child in wisdom but they are still capable of having child like faith. Parts of their brains capable of problem solving have not yet fully developed and the cognitive capacity is not complete, but there is something beautiful about that. Boy do I miss that view of the world and being in high school where I could slack through school and still get by with good grades. As well, school was not everything, pleasure and enjoying life were a significant aspect of it.

Compatibility

We spend our whole lives looking from person to person searching for someone that we have many things in common. This past year I spent about 8 months living with a group that God put together. Now some of my best friends I couldn't tell you what we have in common. All that we know is that we love each other and care for one another so what does the rest really matter when you can learn to put aside everyone's faults and things that bother you and love them anyway? Why do we spend so much time dwelling on the things that we have in common and say when a marriage ends "we just didn't have anything in common anymore"? That is just a cop out. I have seen that commonality doesn't seem to matter. Maybe I am missing the point and that relationship relationships are different. I still believe that God has chosen one person for us to spend the rest of our lives together so that isn't what I am getting at. Its more like what if we miss that one person because we find that we have nothing in common with them. Love should conquer all!

Happy Commercialized Holidays

The holiday season is once again upon us. The time to be with families, eat lots of food, exchange some wayyy too expensive gifts that no one ever actually needs, its the time of year to celebrate the birth of Christ...oh wait that isn't what Christmas-I mean the holiday season is about anymore. It seems to me that Christmas has become so commercialized. Everyone runs around the stores grabbing for everything for those they want to give gifts to, maybe getting a few things for themselves in the process. I am afraid that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost even to those who know what it is. Don't get me wrong I love decorating the Christmas tree, listening to the music, finding that gift for my favorite people. Its just that why we celebrate Christmas seems to have gotten lost somewhere in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the season. We can't even call it Christmas anymore. Why not? Isn't that what we are supposed to be celebrating, Christ? If we take Christ out of Christmas it is like we are taking the love and joy out of it. I love the season but it breaks my heart to see what has happened to the joyous holiday that it is.

From the prairies to the mountains and a little bit of skyscrapers

Over the past few days I have been trying my hardest to get a new blog post up considering how long it has been. I have been struggling so hard with the words to say. Over the past 3 months I have been on a journey across central and western Canada and one trip down into Washington to see one of the most beautiful cities that I have ever been to. I started the journey in Winnipeg, MB with a group of 31 other students and 4 leaders. Out of that group I knew a total of 2 people and the rest were complete strangers to me. Its interesting to look back and see places where they have been and realizing that we maybe have crossed paths several times and never even realized that one day we would be part of the same family. It is such a crazy thought that each day we are constantly coming into contact with so many different people but when we look at their faces we don't know them and sadly don't pay much attention to the person who hides behind the face. The other day I was shopping in Winnipeg at the mall, waiting in line. As I stood there looking at all the people bustling by I thought of how each person walking by me has a family, friends, people who love them, each person has a past, a future, a story. We are all people in desperate search of relationships that change our lives. We rely on relationships and God is so amazing that He gives us the people that we need for all the things that we will go through in life. Sometimes the relationship is for life and sometimes its just for certain aspects of our lives. All the people in the mall were individuals but were also all the same. We are all people. I am not really sure how I got from where I started to this point but that's okay. So we began in Manitoba, close to Gimli. During the month we were there we had a canoe trip where they split our group up into two separate groups each with two guides. We paddled for four days and out of those four days we had one that wasn't windy, rainy, or cold. The rest of the time we spent paddling against the biggest waves I have ever seen on a lake. It was such a strong wind that you spend hours paddling as hard as you can and hardly going anywhere. I learnt that even when I think that I can't push myself any harder, somehow there is always still something left to give. I couldn't have paddled into those waves without God helping and protecting me.

I am going to apologize now for this post. It is going to get long but since it has been a really long time since my last one I think that's fine. That month we also did an Urban Plunge in Winnipeg. We went into the parts of the city that normal people would stay away from. Walking with the homeless, the prostitutes, the drug addicts, it gives a whole new perspective of who they are. They all have a deep and painful story of how they got there and that isn't the life that most would choose although some prefer living on the streets. From all the time that we have spent learning about homelessness and doing our two Urban Plunges my perspective about the way they live has changed so much. I don't even really have words to describe it right now but I look at them differently. So during that month we spent a lot of time at the camp near Gimli where we got to know each other and learn from instructors and such. It was an awesome month; it felt like summer just continued on into the fall. Right from day one (this is actually no word of a lie) I really liked all of our group and felt like even though I never felt God calling me to go to Outtatown this was where I was supposed to be this year. Looking back and seeing how after that month and into the Thanksgiving break we thought that we were so close, we were so naive because compared to now, we were mere acquaintances.

After the thanksgiving break we hoped into our two 15 passenger vans and a mini van and began the long drive from Winnipeg to Banff for the girls and then to Canmore for the boys. We had all 3 of the sites girls staying at one hotel and hanging out, listening to an awesome speaker, standing on a glacier, hiking, Zumba, and so much more. It was such an incredible week. Then we got back together with our boys (who I might add are the most amazing guys I have ever met and words cannot even began to describe the way they are appreciated). We spent the next night in a church, sleeping in their sanctuary. The pastor and his group were so kind. They made us breakfast and all they wanted in return was to hear our stories. It was such a blessing. Then we made our way to Blackfoot crossing and got to spend a very frigid night in a teepee (I seriously don't know the correct spelling). It was such a unique experience. After our adventures at Blackfoot crossing we hoped back into our vans and made our way to a beautiful lodge/camp in Sundre, AB which is like an hour from Calgary. That was possibly one of my most favorite places. The girls got to stay in the lodge in dorm type rooms. Each room had two to three people in it and each with their own bathroom. I was just with one other person and it was so dang awesome. That camp was beautiful and the people were so friendly. After a week and a half of that place then we got back into our vans and drove to Vancouver. As soon as we pulled up to our hotel on East Hastings I was terrified. I did not want to get out of the van. It was such an unfamiliar place, it was dark outside and there was so many people. Shockingly it wasn't as bad as everyone made it sound like it would be but I was still scared basically the whole time. We had a free weekend when we got there. The weekend was filled with footloose, public transit, the aquarium and many other things. Then we switched to a very sketchy hostel and headed into the Vancouver Urban Plunge. Before the week started we were told to priority pack into one bag for the week and the other bag would be left in the trailer. During one night of our free weekend the locks on the trailer were cut and 13 of us had our other bag stolen. I was one of them. I didn't lose anything too important but just the more expensive stuff. It was really upsetting to see how much value I had placed in those material items and how upset that I was when I lost them. Now I can look and see its okay because someone needs that more than I do.

So we did the Urban plunge which was quite similar to the Winnipeg one but yet quite different. I would tell about it but this is already super long and then it would be even longer. So after that we went to Twin Creeks lodge which is like a mansion and the people were so incredible. They just wanted to serve us all weekend and they loved us and made us food. It felt like Christmas. Sadly we had to leave. We went over to a camp in Hope BC. There were mountains all around us and a gorgeous, glassy lake. We spent our time learning from some instructors (one who fell off his box hahaha). Then we went to our all sites conference where we were all gathered for some sessions and hang out. We performed our epic flash mob that we had been working on for two months. It was so amazing. After this we headed over to Seattle...so beautiful. We had a semi free weekend. It was so incredible and the place that we stayed was an amazing hostel. So after Seattle we went back to the camp in Hope where we stayed for a week and a half or so. It was such a great time. We had a twin din and the our boys were so amazing and had a girls appreciation night. I was so overwhelmed we gratitude that I just started crying. We also got to go kayaking (I totally fell in the lake getting into the kayak). It was a great time with each other. Then we got back into our vans for the last time as a huge group and went back to Banff for some free time with each other and for some snowboarding in the mountains and debrief. The last night was a week ago today. It was so sad. It now is half over.

The last three months of my life were an insane adventure. I even went spelunking in a cave which I forgot to mention earlier. I grew to love the people (my second fam) so much that it hurts to be apart. I saw and lived in the mountains, fell in a lake at the end of November, served God, and served people. I never knew that I could ever love people that weren't my family as deeply as I love my group. Looking back to that first month of when we thought that we knew each other to now its crazy to realize that we barely did. It is super nice to be at home and see my other fam and friends but I am so looking forward to going to South Africa with OTSA 3. I feel homesick and I am sort of grateful. It means that we have strong relationships. As I am finishing this I am almost crying just thinking about it. I hope that I didn't bore those of you who made it all the way to the bottom of this. It got super long and took like an hour to write. This is just a small portion of the stories that I have and just a small portion of the memories and stories that are to come. Next stop South Africa baby!!!!

Birds, water, and everything nice

A bird is graceful and proud. It lives in the moment and for the moment. It doesn't worry about what is to come and it doesn't care about what happened. Its always thankful for whatever it has and never wants more. Water is pure. Its always moving even when it stands still. It never lies and it always follows the same path but its not predictable. At any given moment it could change. It shows everything for what it is but that ability can also block the outside from seeing what lies in its depths.

The Definition of Love

A while back I wrote in one of my journals my definition of love. Love is when you care about someone so much that you will go out of your way to make them happy and comfortable. You would gladly give up your own life for that person. To love someone is to be by that person even if they screw up cause hey we all do at some point. Loving a person is not how they look or dress, its loving and knowing their personality, their laugh, their smile, their ups and downs, their sense of humour no matter how lame it may be. If you truly love someone never hesitate to tell them because life is far too short and you never know when it might be your last chance. Love is a selfless act. Its the gift that you give when you have nothing left. When you are broken its all that you have left. Before saying "I love you" think about what you are committing to. Those words are powerful and cannot lie. This definition I believe can go towards a significant relationship or in a friendship/family. There is so much more that could be added to what love is because it is never ending and a person is so complex that you can never fully know them.

How can I even title this/

So its been a long time since I last posted. I really don't have an excuse since I have had access to the internet for a long time but I just haven't known what to say and haven't had the ambition to do it. Last week we stayed at this camp that is located about an hour and a half from Calgary, AB close to the small town of Sundre. We were there for about nine nights and were blessed to be sharing our rooms with only one other person and we all had our own bathrooms. When you go from sharing a bathroom with twenty girls and sleeping in a room with five others this is quite the difference. So we got to hang out, have a speaker and participate in the camps activities that they offer. We also had a day of silence where we were supposed to just spend the day listening to God and couldn't talk for the whole day. That is really challenging. After that we loaded up into our vans and we headed to Vancouver. We stayed at the Patricia Inn on east hastings street and got to have a free weekend. On the Saturday I went with a few people to see the movie Footloose which was absolutely amazing. Then in the evening we went to Gastown and found a cute, nice restaurant and had supper. On Sunday we were planning to go to Stanley park. We hopped on one of the buses and ended up in a totally not Stanley park area. After about 45 minutes of sitting on the Transit bus the bus went "not in service" and the driver kicked us off. Thankfully the last stop was close to the sky train terminal so we boarded and took about a twenty minute ride. Eventually we made it back to the mainland of Van, found the right bus, got on and about an hour and a half later we finally managed to get to Stanley park where we went to the aquarium. It was an awesome day. Especially since we did all that travelling on one bus ticket. So this morning we were starting our Vancouver Urban Plunge and we found out this morning that on Saturday night our trailer was broken into and they took off with hundreds of dollars worth of our stuff. Not everyone lost stuff just about thirteen of us. So we could use some prayer. Thankfully a few items were found being sold on the street and they were now returned to the rightful owners. God is awesome and afterall those are just material items. Well I need to go to bed now so I think this will be wrapping up this very abnormal post.

The Wonder of Life

Its interesting to look back on my short 18 years of life and to see all of the people that God placed in my life for specific parts of my life even if I don't really spend time with or talk to now. They all helped to shape me into the person that I am today and I am so grateful for all of my life experiences. God knew what I needed at every turn of my life and I feel that without certain things occurring throughout my life and with certain people I may not be the person I am today. I look forward to continue to get to know all of the people that He has placed in my life right now and see how they will shape my life.

Wind

There is something comforting about standing outside in a beautiful place when a strong wind is blowing. Perhaps its the knowledge that a strong wind is essentially what God is; so powerful that a house could be moved in an instant by an unseen force. Unseen in the way that it moves but not unseen in the things that it touches. Looking around at the faces of those around us we can see God moving. Those moments when someone spontaneously reaches out and helps a fellow in need but they had no idea that person was in need. The whole Earth is filled with God. Every person on the planet regardless of the religion they follow, ethnics, colour, or personality was created in the image of God; the unseen force that sweeps across this planet. A planet that personally knows God and is crying out for His Return. All the animals are touched by the Wind of God. God is the Wind; an unseen force that is impossible not to see touch everything around.

What happens when you throw 36 strangers into a community?

You experience a life of a beautiful community and get a new family. So this year I am doing something called Outtatown which is a discipleship program through the Canadian Mennonite university. Three weeks ago to the day I began this joyous adventure with a somewhat open mind and a stomach full of butterflies; unsure of what to expect. I looked at the faces of each of the people on my site and had no idea the personalities of anyone and could barely remember anyones name. Today I look at pictures of them and all that I feel is an intense love that I have only experienced with a few people. It hurts my heart just to think about parting with any of them. I am looking forward to basking in every single minute of this year and living life in the present moment with no specific plans for the future. I can't wait to experience many adventures with my lovely new family. Love you guys!

Why do you love nighttime so much?

The darkness opens our eyes to whats all around us. It allows us to see the tiny dot way high in the sky; the one that is so faint you can barely see it. We are one of those dots. He that is greater than anything holy sees that dot. He sees us; knows exactly where we are. No matter where we run to in the universe He can see right into our eyes. Knowing each one by name. He knows our hurts, our fears, our deepest love. Lover of my Soul. No matter where I run you will always catch me while I fall. Eternal Ruler. He knows my name. He chose my name; whispering it into my Mother's ear. Saying this one is precious just like you. This one is Mine too and no one can tell them differently.

So I say again why do you love the nighttime so much?

The nighttime opens our eyes to the glory of the All Powerful Ruler. The King who sees the speck and knows every person on that speck that you can barely see. The nighttime gives us a glimpse at His vast kingdom. The kingdom that no words in the human tongue can describe. Something happens that is indescribable every time I spend a moment staring at the beauty of the nighttime sky.

What would you give to have one night to spend dancing beneath the stars with a warm wind blowing?

I would spend the rest of my life in bondage to someone. Serving them with all my being to experience the glory and power of the King by looking into the vast universe and seeing what He, the Eternal Ruler is capable of. I would be beaten and tortured just to experience that wonder of looking into universe for one night. It is worth my freedom for without, there is no such thing as freedom. We would all be bound even those who truly were free would never be free without experiencing the freedom and power that comes from dancing beneath a star filled sky. Freedom here on Earth is worthless without the means to truly be free to ones self. Freedom can only come from one being; He is the Lover of my Soul and this is what my soul sings to Him.

Its interesting...

Its interesting that we all spend our time complaining about what we don't have instead of looking around and being thankful for what we do have. We think that our lives are terrible and we don't always think that the life of someone else might be worse than ours. Maybe rather than feel sorry for ourselves and spending our lives being greedy we should say "Thank you God, you gave me more than I ever deserved," then turn towards someone less fortunate than ourselves and bless them with the blessing bestowed on us.

Danger

Life is filled with mystery. Its unpredictable and filled with danger. Even those who try to hide from the danger cannot escape it. We are a ball floating in a black void. We could be struck by a comet that we never saw coming and just like that this world would cease to exist. The real danger is unseen. We are surrounded by battles that occur on our behalf. Angles and demons surround us in a realm that is different from ours. When faced with this a gun would serve as no protection whatsoever. The only protection that we actually have left is the light. When we step into the light they see our true identity; servants of the King. What they see in those who don't serve the King I have no idea. When the evil sees that we are servants of the King and maker of all they are terrified. Our Father is the only protection that we have from the danger that stalks every shadow. Nothing can compare to that. Its amazing how even when we think He is not there He makes things turn out better than they should be. If we stopped and thought about the hazards that lay around us I think that we would all dig a deep hole and hide there until the end of the world. Every breath we breathe requires faith. In fact there is a small portion of our brain that God created for faith. When we breath, we should try to remember that.

Seriously...tell me what you think of this!

Hi, hello. I am now about three pages into the new and improved story in which I have entitled "The Red Velvet Cape", this is my original work which is a story about a young man living on a shaky path. He grew up with a Christian family and always attended church and had a strong faith. During his pre-teen years the boy experienced a great tragedy that left him filled with grief and anger causing him to follow a path of destruction eventually leading to darkness coming over his heart. Somehow (I won't tell you how) the guy is placed in a coma (just his physical body) and he is transported to a realm similar to Earth but a place where no veil blocks our view from good and evil. He is placed into a spiritual battle for his soul and if he fails the tasks at hand that may cause terrible things to happen and his destiny won't be fulfilled. God gave the man a guardian to look out for him and help him learn and to complete the tasks he must fulfill. Does that sound like a good book? Please I sincerely hope no one will steal that idea but I need some other opinions. Here is a few paragraphs that I hope you will enjoy and critically comment on your thoughts. I want this to work out well and to do that I need your help to so let me know what you think. Here it is...

The darkness was coming; lurking under the cover of every shadow. It hid beneath the rocks or behind the bushes in a friendly backyard. Waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and latch onto his soul. Squeeze his heart so that he succumbed to its wrath. The same darkness that he feared he longed to embrace and allow into his life. He brought the darkness to his doorstep. He invited it to come and terrorize his family and those he loved. All that he needed to do was open the door and welcome it completely into his life. Doing so could have reverberations that would spread far beyond him; touching the lives of every person around him, even those he had never talked to. But he wanted the darkness. To him it didn’t matter what the consequences were all that mattered was the freedom he thought that he saw in those cold, clammy hands; the hands that were wringing the life right out of his body. The freedom he thought they offered would give him powers far beyond his wildest dream. That thought was a grave mistake.

The familiar roar of the Ducati’s powerful engine and the vibration beneath his hands as Eric Masterson pealed down the deserted street was a comfort to him. He knew every curve of the deserted path and not even the time of night could affect his confidence on his journey home from a disappointing endeavour. He was a successful businessman, some would say that Eric had worked hard to make it to where he was but he knew better than that and so did his beloved girlfriend although she would never admit to him just how much she knew. He cheated his way to the top. Regardless of how he got himself there Eric knew that he was the right man for the job. He had taken the company ten times farther than his predecessor and he was still young enough to continue taking it farther. Just because Eric stayed out late partying every night didn’t mean that he would be bad for the job. The Chairmen just couldn’t understand that. They thought Eric was far too young and inexperienced. That’s what forced him to do what he had to if it meant that he could be at the top.

Eric was heading home from a long “heart-to-heart” he had at his girlfriend’s house with his best friend. Essentially it was an intervention. The two of them had begun hanging out all the time while he was busy working or doing other things. He discovered that they were doing it behind his back and when asked they replied “Oh, we were just bonding,” as if he could believe that innocent statement. Their relationship had all the characteristics of something far different than “bonding” time but of course he was supposed to trust them and let whatever was going on happen with no questions asked. How could he do that? They were off behind his back. After this went on for a month Eric finally had enough. He broke up with her. That was all that he could do. She called all week but he just ignored those calls. There was no way he could even look at her, or him. Some great friends he knew.

Earlier that day he ran into his friend; or rather ex-friend. Eric tried his hardest to duck behind the aisle in the store but it was too late and Anthony had already spotted him. Eric avoided eye contact as best as he could but Anthony crossed the distance to talk with him.

Ignore any spelling or grammar issues as I haven't read it over yet and just tell me how it sounds. Seriously if I ever see that someone uses this idea or the writing I will fine you for it. This is not free for all to take just to read and comment. Thank you for reading and for your comments that are deeply appreciated.

Whats in the future?

Hi, hello. I think naturally as humans we are often curious about our futures and what lays ahead of us. We wonder if we will figure out some way to come up with a crazy invention that actually works. We wonder did I ever finish that book I was working on. The Disney movie "Meet the Robinsons" does a great job of illustrating what can happen if we go through time travel. The thing about our futures is that its meant to be a mystery. We aren't supposed to know whats ahead because then trying to choose the path that we travel on could be a real challenge and we might take the wrong path which would change how our future should have been. Going to the past could also be a problem as things might not pane out the way that they originally did altering the rest of time. The best thing to do is live in the present. Take life day to day and not put to much stress on what is to come. Make smart decisions and let the future pane out how its meant to. God is in control and listen to him, he will direct your path.

The Red Velvet Cape

Hi, hello. I have been working on a novel for about the past year but have really been struggling with the format and basically how to start it. I began writing in first person and got a good chunk written but wasn't pleased with it. Here is the first two paragraphs of one that I am really pleased with and will keep writing like this. Tell me what you think.

The darkness was coming; lurking under the cover of every shadow. It hid underneath the rocks or behind the bushes in a friendly backyard. Waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and latch onto his soul. Squeeze his heart so that he succumbed to its wrath. The same darkness that he feared he longed to embrace and allow into his life. He brought the darkness to his doorstep. All that he needed to do was open the door and welcome it. Doing so could have reverberations that would spread far beyond him. But he wanted the darkness. He saw freedom in those cold, clammy hands. A freedom he thought would give him power. That was a grave mistake.

The familiar roar of the Ducati’s powerful engine and the vibration beneath his hands as Eric Masterson pealed down the deserted street was a comfort to him. He knew every curve of the deserted path and not even the time of night could affect his confidence on his journey home from a disappointing endeavour. Eric Masterson was in his twenties but in one evening had experienced a betrayal that burned him far beyond his years. Maybe it was the fire that burned in his heart or maybe it was his over confidence that caused what was to come next. No matter why it happened it was the miracle that his beloved family had prayed for. They possibly didn’t expect the miracle to come in the form it did but God had his hand in it and he made sure that everything would work out for the better. He gave the young man a second chance that most people would never expect to get.

Does that sound like it will be a good book to you? Would you read it? Oh, it is a fantasy novel about spiritual warfare and the battle for a young man's soul. Let me know what you think.

If this is Earth think about Heaven

Hi, hello. It seems that for us as simply human beings Heaven is a concept that our tiny brains cannot grasp. Picturing forever is difficult because we don't know what forever is. We can't seem to understand a moment when time is none existent and age does not occur. A question I often ask myself is how can God have been there forever? Wouldn't something have to have created God? To us we see the trees and the mountains, the animals and the forests, then we look at our fellows and also the housing and factories and everything that we have been able to build. When we look at this world around us it is interesting to see that everything was created by something so we can't grasp that God has been there forever. Then trying to imagine the kingdom in which this wonderful, amazing creator lives in we cannot even come to terms with it. Even though certain parts of the Bible describe Heaven and we try and picture it like the description says. I think that our imaginations don't give Heaven justice. Heaven is more than we can imagine and there is nothing on Earth that can come close to a comparison. Its more beautiful that a room filled with diamonds. The above image is what I think is the most beautiful place on Earth and I strongly believe that this is a veil covering our eyes which is preventing us from seeing the true beauty of Heaven which lies in a realm far beyond here. One that we must be worthy and wait to enter.

Immaturity

Hi, hello. I started reading this book by Mel Blackaby called "Going the Second Mile" it talks about not going the second mile by burning yourself out trying to be a "good" person. There are enough "good" people in this world who aren't even Christians but it talks about going the second mile by experiencing the Love of Jesus Christ to such an extent that you spread His love just because you have His love in you and you want to share it with other people. The author also talks about a moment when God asked him why he only ever came to him when he needed help. I felt that this was speaking directly at me. I tend to often cry out to Jesus when I need His help with something or am having a rough time. Even while reading this book I said to God "Help me to be able to experience your Love so that I can travel the second mile with You". I realized that even while I try to get a deeper relationship with God I still am crying out for help. I had a thought the other day that I believe came from God, I thought that I am immature just like a teenager. I come to the Father every time I need something but otherwise, unfortunately, have a tendency to ignore my Parent. I am immature. Sometimes immaturity his a benefit and it enables us to have the wonder and awe of a child. The imagination of a child and the ideas like a child. Children trust their parents and learn and talk with them. They need them to grow but somewhere in there a teenager takes place and they tend to (not all) just use their parents when they need them. Then there are adults who think that they are finished learning and are too good for help. We need to have the faith of a child. Never stop wanting to grow or learn. Being a teenager in our faith isn't really very good so what I need to do is grow by growing backwards if that makes sense at all. I need to have the child like faith that will enable me to trust my Father and at the same time I need to grow into an adult and come away from the teen years. I guess we need to be able to talk to God normally and look at Him just like a child cause that is what we all are and we will never stop growing and learning. I am sorry if I ended up rambling on and on there but I am sleepy and what I was trying to say made more sense in my head so I sincerely hope that you understood the entire point of this post.

Memories are all That Remain

Hi, hello. In four days I will be graduated and will have closed a small chapter in my life. What is in store after this chapter I have no idea but I pray that God will take me on the adventure of a life time. Looking back it went by so fast. One day I suddenly am leaving high school and soon going to be out of this town. I realize that there are people I may not see again for a year or two. Things I looked forward to every week that I will no longer have. Its enough to make me cry. All that I really have left to commemorate my four years of high school are those memories that I hope to keep tightly locked away within my mind. There to access any time I feel sad. There are some things that I experienced that were so incredible I would be more than willing to go through the horrible moments over and over again if it would mean that I could relive that one memory again. This evening I had a bunch of grade 12 friends over for one last shindig and we kept talking about the teachers and the people who we went to school with. Things that we did with them and stuff that we were going to miss. The only thing that will remain from my time in high school is the memory of moments spent with each other. Nothing more, and nothing less. The school part will one day eventually fade but I pray that the memories of the past will stay forever.

Fame and Fortune

Hi, hello. I think that fortune but especially fame is something that as human beings we all have a desire to have. We watch those celebs on TV or listen to them play there music loudly for everyone to hear and then we think why can't that be me? For some crazy reason we have some desire to be known. Some part of us wishes that our fans would run up to us on the streets and ask us for an autograph or want their picture taken with us. Personally I have been planning on finishing writing a book that I have been working on and getting it published. The book has a powerful spiritual message and I believe that God gave me the idea and he can impact lives through it. Lately though I have been struggling with how to write it and I think maybe its because I am thinking more about how people will react if I can get it published and the fact I could end up famous from it rather than thinking about doing it because God wants me too. I keep telling myself and God that I don't care about fame, they don't even have to remember my name but there is some deep part of me that longs to be famous and I don't understand it. Why can't I just accept being an average person that loves and serves the creator of the universe. The other day I was travelling in the car and I had a realization. God has a plan that is bigger than anything we could possibly imagine. Its far greater than being well known and will last for an eternity. As hard as it may be we must remember that when we have that desire to be famous or/and wealthy we need to remember that God's plan is far greater that any of it and if we have Christ's love in us we could be street bums and have more Joy than others. God has a bigger plan than fame and fortune.