The Red Velvet Cape

Hi, hello. I have been working on a novel for about the past year but have really been struggling with the format and basically how to start it. I began writing in first person and got a good chunk written but wasn't pleased with it. Here is the first two paragraphs of one that I am really pleased with and will keep writing like this. Tell me what you think.

The darkness was coming; lurking under the cover of every shadow. It hid underneath the rocks or behind the bushes in a friendly backyard. Waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and latch onto his soul. Squeeze his heart so that he succumbed to its wrath. The same darkness that he feared he longed to embrace and allow into his life. He brought the darkness to his doorstep. All that he needed to do was open the door and welcome it. Doing so could have reverberations that would spread far beyond him. But he wanted the darkness. He saw freedom in those cold, clammy hands. A freedom he thought would give him power. That was a grave mistake.

The familiar roar of the Ducati’s powerful engine and the vibration beneath his hands as Eric Masterson pealed down the deserted street was a comfort to him. He knew every curve of the deserted path and not even the time of night could affect his confidence on his journey home from a disappointing endeavour. Eric Masterson was in his twenties but in one evening had experienced a betrayal that burned him far beyond his years. Maybe it was the fire that burned in his heart or maybe it was his over confidence that caused what was to come next. No matter why it happened it was the miracle that his beloved family had prayed for. They possibly didn’t expect the miracle to come in the form it did but God had his hand in it and he made sure that everything would work out for the better. He gave the young man a second chance that most people would never expect to get.

Does that sound like it will be a good book to you? Would you read it? Oh, it is a fantasy novel about spiritual warfare and the battle for a young man's soul. Let me know what you think.